BEEP BEEP TRING TRING SWOOSH SWOOSH
As is well known, the smartphone has played an important role in everyone’s lives since 2007. This is also the case with me at Club Pipi, located at the toilets of Volkshotel. At the very end of one evening I saw a telephone in one of the toilets, I fished the thing out and placed it on a large piece of paper. At that moment the shift leader who just passed by pressed the home button, and well damn, the screen lit up. “Jesus,” I shouted in surprise. “A mythical figure from the Christian tradition,” Siri replied. The smartphone has also provided a new verb form.
One particular app in particular, starting with a T and ending with inder, has made sure of that to be precise. Almost every evening there are gentlemen pissing in the urinal and… tindering at the same time. You would call it.. Taking a tiss? Yes, yes, there is a lot of tissing going on in my place.
Furthermore, if it is super busy and there is a long line, I have a doorbell at the entrance of the ladies toilets installed. Because I noticed that the toilets remained occupied for a very long time… Upon closer inspection I heard all kinds of beeps, pings and giggles coming from the booths. Apparently there’s a lot of beeping and swiping of all kinds going on there, even though there are a lot of people waiting.
When I see this happening, I press the bell and shout:
,,Twee woorden, negen letters
Duurt lang
Even piesen
Poesie afvegen
Broekie omhoog
Doortrekken
Klaar is Klara.
Niet gaan zitten
Twitteren, tinderen, vingeren of appen
Daar op die plee
Dank U !!”
Always followed by loud applause from the long line…
WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN..
After a certain incident, I decided not to put the deodorants on the toilet near the sink/mirror anymore, but on my bar. One evening I heard a lot of enthusiastic bellowing and laughter coming from the men’s toilet.
I happily walked in to see a huge flash of fire. A couple of guys had held a lighter to the fluid coming out of a deodorant bottle and the next joke was already going on… a huge flame was sprayed under the door of a toilet cubicle.
We heard a horrible scream, then there was the pungent smell of burnt hair and then… a booming laugh. An Australian dude came out wearing shorts, with now hairless calves. All’s well that ends well. (Although almost all customers who came to the toilet shouted at the rest of the evening: “It smells like burnt hair in here!”)
*Please don’t try this at home: the flame can also come from inside the deodorant can and then explode. That’s no laughing matter.
OUI OUI
You can buy a stamp for the entire evening toilet. First I had a stamp in the shape of a beautiful five-pointed star. “Every time you go, show your star!” I would shout. It led to hilarity everywhere. When this stamp was lost, I had a stamp made with “Oui oui”. Because everyone is very welcome at Club Pipi, where everyone says oui oui. Also nice.
Picture by Deb Ferraz
